Y'all. I'm freaking out.

Please notice that the title of this post most clearly says "I'm" and not "we're." Nick is cool as a cucumber, as always. The guy seriously just does not get stressed out. EVER. Which is good in a lot of cases (nobody is better suited for emergency medicine than he is!), but it drives me CRAZY. I'm a worrier, and although most moms are, I'm probably a little more of a worrier than most. Nick genuinely tries to empathize with my stress (although he has no clue what the word means), and he's been doing a great job of doing that lately, because y'all, I'm freaking out.

I FEEL my kids' pain, like on a physical level. It literally hurts my stomach when one of my babies is scared, puts a knot in my chest when I know Abbie is about to go on stage for a recital, and gives me goosebumps to see them shiver.  I'm hoping other moms experience this too, and I'm not crazy! :) So now that we're close to travel, I'm thinking non-stop about what our Gia is about to go through, and it's painful. :( She's going to be taken from everything and everyone she knows and loves, and then go through so many new and terrifying things, with only funny-looking strangers that don't even speak her language to comfort her! And I can't even wrap my brain around the actual physical pain that we are no doubt going to cause her as we're fumbling through her bandage changes. I'm good at maintaining a calm façade in front of my kids, and I'll do the same for Gia...I just hope that from day one, she can somehow feel how much we love her, even when we mess up and cause her pain.

Some days I even feel guilty for adopting her. Crazy, right? She seems so happy where she is. And even on the days when I'm most optimistic, I still wish that there was just another way to bring her into our family (maybe we can convince one of her Little Flower nannies to come home with us!) Nick tells me how kids are resilient, and she'll be fine, but I just hate to think that we're adding to the trauma she's already been through. :(

So that's the bulk of my worrying. Don't even get me started on the stress of riding in airplanes for what will amount to DAYS, or being prepared for Gia with the correct medical supplies and doctors appointments, or what her care will mean for our family, or the MOVE TO NEW YORK after we get home from China! Ahhh!